Chocolate Espresso Cupcakes

Chocolate Espresso Cupcakes!? How could anyone NOT want to devour them all?

Do I really need to type up some snarky shit about how cupcakes are so 5 years ago and how the trend is to make deconstructed hipster desserts? Nah. Fuck that. Everyone loves cupcakes and always will. Deal with it.

I normally make my own frosting, but I was in a crunch and snagged some "accidentally vegan" frosting from the market. You can be a fancy pants and make your own...I won't judge. I'm a busy chickpea and just didn't have time. That's life.

On with the show.

This recipe makes 1 dozen cupcakes.

What you need:

• 1 cup nondairy milk
• 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1/8-1/4 tsp almond extract (optional)
• 1/4 cup grapeseed oil (you can probably use canola, but I don't love the taste of it)
• 2 TB espresso powder (more if you're a sassy one)
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/3ish cup cocoa powder
• 3/4 cup sugar of your choice
• 1 & 1/4 cups flour
• chocolate frosting of your choice.

 What you do:

1.  Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Line your cupcake pan with paper liners. I buy the IF YOU CARE brand baking cups that are unbleached and all that jazz.They just seem to work the best for me and never, ever stick to my cuppies.
2. Mix your frosting with about 1 TB of the espresso powder...add more until it tastes how you want it to. Set aside. You could do this last or whenever. Your choice. Lucky you.
3. In a bowl or a large measuring cup, whisk together the other TB espresso powder with the milk, oil, and extract(s). Set aside.
4. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together salt, baking power, baking soda, cocoa, and flour.
5. Whisk your liquid into the dry mix until just combined. If you mix too much, that shit gets tough as it bakes. No one wants your shitty, tough cuppies.
6. Scoop your batter into the baking cups until theyre about 2/3-3/4 of the way full. 
7. Put on the middle rack of your oven and bake about 23 minutes. Yours might be longer or less, just keep a close eye. Mine was exactly 23 minutes. How do you know they're done? Insert a dry toothpick into the center of a few of the cupcakes. If they come out cleanly, those dudes are done. 
8. Let your cuppies cool completely and then slather some killer chocolate espresso frosting on top. Dig in, dudes!

Curry Power

Curry? Um, yes. I really can't ever say no to some tasty-ass curry, and you shouldn't either. 

Don't know what to make for dinner? Have veg that's about to go soft? Tired of the same old shit food? Time to make a fucking curry. You can add almost anything to curry in terms of veggies and spices. This recipe turned out to be one of my favorites and all I did was throw some random stuff together. 

Makes enough for 2 large dinner portions with some tasty jasmine rice.

What you need:

-2 cups cooked chickpeas (1 drained can)

-3 tomatoes roughly chopped

-1 large carrot cut into small dice

-1/2 red onion, cut into small slices or diced

-2 cloves garlic, minced

-1.5 cups raw cashews

-1 cup frozen peas

-1 TB  coconut oil

-2 TB favorite curry power - I'm too lazy to concoct my own

-1/4 to 1/2 tsp sumac (optional but recommended)

-salt and pepper

-fresh coriander/cilantro

-cooked rice

What you do:

1. Cook rice and set side in to keep warm until plating.

2. Heat your oil over medium high heat until shimmering. Add the carrots and cook 3-4 minutes. Add onions, and cook until transparent, about 6 minutes. Now stir in the minced garlic. Once the garlic becomes fragrant, turn heat down to medium.

3. Add the tomatoes to the pan, along with the spices. I covered my pan for about 10 minutes as the tomato cooked down. Once the tomatoes get soft, remove the lid.

4. Add the cashews and peas, and cook another 5-7 minutes as some of the liquid cooks off and the curry tightens up a bit. Taste and adjust the seasonings as needed to fit your own twisted tastes.

5. Serve over the yummy rice and top with some fresh cilantro/coriander. 

Crockpot Lentil Bolognese

Alright, so here's the deal, dudes: we got 17 inches of snow last night, so I had a work snow day today. Fuck yeah! What did I do? Cooked the shit outta some food. Waffles for breakfast. Leftover curried lentil soup for lunch. And this spectacular dish for dinner. It was an experiment for sure. I never even thought about making pasta sauce in a crockpot before. What the hell is wrong with me?

I've not made homemade pasta sauce in so long, and I thought I would give it a shot in my crockpot. I had to get creative with my ingredients since I (literally) can't leave the house. There are nearly 2 feet of snow in the street so there's no way in hell I can go to the store! Soooooo, I improvised with a few things, like using lentils instead of tvp, english muffins for garlic toast, and I had no mushrooms (insert sad face). I worried it wouldn't turn out, but WOW. This is some of the best sauce I've ever had. And the lentils are insanely filling. I rocked this shit out.

I have a 5 or 6 quart crockpot, and set it to HIGH for this sauce. It took me about 4 hours to get it cooked down to where I wanted it to be. Your crock may take longer or less time.
This easily makes enough for 4 large servings over pasta.

What I used:

• 1- 28oz can crushed tomatoes 
• 2 cups veg broth or water
• 1-2 TBs Italian spice blend (mix of basil, parsley, oregano, and marjoram or something similar)
• 1/2 cup matchstick carrots, minced
• 1/2 diced bell pepper
• 1 1/2 cups diced onion
• 1 TB oil of your choice
• 4 cloves garlic, mined
• 1 cup dried lentils
• lots of pepper
• salt to taste
• dash of red pepper flakes
• 1 tsp garlic powder (gimme a break...I love garlic) 
• 1/2 cup almond milk (takes out the metalic bitterness of the canned tomatoes)

What I did:

1. Set the crock pot to HIGH. Add the tomatoes.
2. In a skillet, heat the oil. Once hot, add the onions and carrots. After the onions turn translucent, add the garlic and cook another 4 minutes. Add the veg to the crockpot. 
3. Add the broth, lentils, and spices and stir well. Cover with lid and cook for about 4 hours. Just be sure to stir it about once an hour. Just before the sauce reaches the 4 hour mark, I stirred in the almond milk and cooked about 15 minutes longer. It kills that metallic taste of canned tomatoes. Depending on how thick you like the sauce, you may need to add a bit more broth. I like it thick, so I didn't add any extra.  

ENJOY!

Apple Cinnamon Topped Pancakes of Awesomeness

 

There comes a time in every girl's life when she screams to the heavens, "I need some fucking pancakes!" Hormones, or whatever. I don't know. I just know I heeded the call of the wild and made some killer fucking pancakes. 

I've never made an apple topping for pancakes or waffles, or any food, actually. But, I do love me some apple pie, so I took that idea and ran with it. 

The following recipe makes enough for 2 adult-sized servings of apple topping. I don't have a fancy recipe for the pancakes; I use Bisquick, almond milk, and a little vanilla extract. 

What you need for the apple awesomeness:

• 2 HoneyCrisp apples, peeled, cored and thinly sliced (so they cook more quickly)
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 2 TB Earth Balance vegan spread
• 2 TB orange juice
• 1/4-1/2 tsp cardamom
• 1 tsp (or more) cinnamon
• pinch of salt

What you do with it:

1. Heat a sauce pan over medium heat. Add all ingredients and mix well. 
2. Once the mixture starts bubbling, I turned the heat to medium-low and simmered for about 30 minutes. Be sure to stir and taste the mixture every 5 minutes or so, so that nothing sticks to the bottom of the pan. 
   
3. I cooked mine until the sauce cooked down to a syrup. Feel free to add more or less of everything. I liked mine pretty cinnamon-y, but if at all possible, add the cardamom. It really brings the flavor to a whole new level. 

Savory Chickpea Crepes - 1st attempt

Let me start by saying that I have never eaten a crepe in my entire life...vegan or not. So, I had no idea how thick to make the batter. These ended up somewhere between a crepe and a pancake in their thickness. Seeing how much I love pancakes anyway, I wasn't disappointed.

I'm that weird person who eats her regular pancakes without syrup, preferring a more savory flavor. That was my inspiration for trying to make a savory (and spicy) crepe. So, I suppose I should maybe try calling these pancakes since they were thicker than a crepe. Whatever. The whole point is that these turned out so deliciously that I had to share them with you. I am trying to think of some sort of sauce to use with them, but I'm coming up dry. I did, however, use some mint chutney (just a smidge), and it was tasty.

I will definitely be trying these again, thinning the batter out a little bit to see if I can make them more crepe-like in their density. Regardless, make these. They are delicious.

Makes 4 pancakes/crepes/whatever about 4 inches in diameter

What I used:

• 1/2 cup chickpea flour (also called besan flour)
• 2/3 cup water or slightly less
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 1/3 cup minced red onion
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/2 tsp ginger paste
• 1/4 tsp smoked paprika
• 2 TB fresh cilantro, minced (or 1 TB dried)
• 2 tsp Earth Balance

What I did:

• Mix together the flour and water in a bowl until it's mostly lump-free. Add in the other ingredients (except the Earth Balance) and mix well. 
• Heat a nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add in 1/2 tsp of the Earth Balance.
• Once the butter melts, pour 1/4 cup of the chickpea mixture to the pan. When it starts to get air bubbles and the edges look dry, flip the pancake and cook another 2 minutes. 
• Repeat until all the butter and batter are used up.