Spicy Pintos

Pinto beans...they're not just from a can anymore! That's right; I have made the yummiest spicy pinto beans ever, and if you disagree, then you can leave now. Take that! Not really. I'm thankful that you're here, but being sassy is my thing. So, yes, the beans... Really, though, these pintos are killer. I will not be going back to buying canned "refried" beans again. They have far too much sodium and are pretty oily. And, if you don't buy ones that specifically say "vegetarian," you're eating lard. No joke. Really. Look at the cans next time you hit the bean aisle. Gross, dude.

So, I have a little crockpot, which is what I used to heat the (already-cooked) pintos and the sauteed other veg. You could cook yours on a pot on the stove with a lid as I'm assuming it would come out the same. Though, don't blame me if it doesn't. I haven't made them that way. So, yeah. That's my story. Beans. They're yummy. Make them. Or not. It really doesn't matter to me. I know they're excellent and you'll never experience the joy of my spicy pintos if you don't make them. Your loss.

Makes enough for 3-4 as a side.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cups cooked pinto beans (or 1 can, drained and rinsed)
• 1/2 jalapeno, seeded and minced
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/4 cup white onion, diced small
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1/4 - 1/2 tsp cumin
• dash cayenne
• water as needed (I like my beans hearty and thick, so I added about 2 TB, add more to thin them out to your preferences)
• salt

 Method:

1. Add the beans, lemon juice, cumin, cayenne and 2 TB water to a small crockpot on low or regular pot (with lid) over a low heat.
2. Heat a small non-stick skillet, over medium heat. Spritz pan with a tiny bit of cooking spray. Add the onion and jalapeno. Cook, stirring, occasionally, for 5 minutes, until the onion is softened and translucent. Then add the garlic. Cook about 2 minutes.
3. Add the onion/garlic/jalapenos to the beans and stir well. I used a potato masher and partially smooshed the beans. I like some whole beans to give it texture, but you can completely smoosh if you want. Add any additional water if you want to thin the beans out. Cook about 45 minutes. Add some salt to your tastes. And, you're done. 

Easy and delicious. It's my specialty. Or whatever.

Taquitos (That Will Blow Your Mind to Bits)

Back in ye olden days, I used to make a stellar taquito. Yeah, it's probably not "traditional" or anything, but it is absolutely fucking delicious. I didn't know if I could veganize it to my satisfaction, being the picky chickpea that I am. So, as I lay in bed falling asleep last night, I vowed to give it my best shot. Lucky for me, and you, I got it right on the first try. I rock at veganizing my old recipes!

There's this silly notion out there that vegan food is always healthy. I promise you that this is NOT the case. Case in point: these taquitos. They can't possibly be healthy with all that cheese! But, they are so yummy that you will surely thank me. And if you don't, well, forget you. You should be thankful when people offer you such wonderful recipes for free!

 

This recipe easily makes 12-15 taquitos depending on how full you fill the tortillas. I find that I am quite full if I eat 4. So, either have friends or save your leftovers. They are excellent re-heated in your oven the next day for about 15 minutes at 400 degrees F. I haven't frozen them, but I imagine they would hold up and need to be cooked for about 20 minutes in a 400 degree oven (but don't quote me since I've never had to freeze them before). Anyway, I'm not feeling chatty. On to the recipe.

Ingredients:

• 15 flour tortillas (buy the 6-inch size tortillas)
• 6 oz Tofutti Better Than Cream Cheese, which is a 3/4 the 8oz package
• 1/2 bag Daiya cheddar
• 1/2 bag Daiya mozzarella
• 2 Gardein scallopinis
• 1/2 large yellow onion, diced
• 3/4 orange bell pepper, diced
• 1 1/2 TB garlic, minced
• 1 TB olive oil, along with a little olive oil cooking spray
• 1/4 - 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/4 cup salsa verde
• 1 TB Braggs
• 1 1/2 tsp cumin
• 1 1/2 tsp chili powder
• 1/4 tsp cayenne
• 1/4 tsp coriander
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• pepper

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Cover a large, rimmed baking sheet with foil.
2. Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add the olive oil. Once hot, add the onion and bell pepper. Saute for about 4-5 minutes, until softened. Add the garlic and scoot the mix to one side of the pan.
3. Spray a bit of cooking oil on the empty side of the pan and put the 2 Gardein scallopinis on to cook for about 4 minutes. Meanwhile, mix the onion, pepper, garlic around.
4. In a mixing bowl, add the cream cheese, cheese, salsa verde, spices. Set aside.
5. Spray the tops of the Gardein scallopinis. Flip and cook another 2 minutes. Scoop the onion mixture out into the mixing bowl with the rest of the ingredients.
6. Remove the Gardein and dice into tiny bits. Then add to the bowl. Use a potato masher to really combine all of the ingredients until it looks something like this:

7. Heat your tortillas on a plate and cover with paper towel. Use the microwave for about 20 seconds. This will keep your tortillas from breaking when you roll them. One by one, you need to scoop some filling onto the tortilla (probably a bit less than 1/4 cup on each one) near one end. 

8. Start rolling the taquito from the filled end. The empty side of the tortilla will need to end up rolled up underneath the filled taquito, if that makes sense. This will hold the taquito shut while cooking. 

9. Lightly spray the tops of the rolled taquitos with the olive oil cooking spray and sprinkle with a large grain salt. I use kosher salt. 
10. Bake for 14-18 minutes, until the edges are lightly browned and the filling is probably coming out the ends :)

They're perfect served alone or with salsa or vegan sour cream. Maybe even guacamole. How should I know what you like?

Spicy Chickpea Pasta -what you make when you don't know what to make

You think I don't know that's a stupid name for a recipe? Really, I'm not dumb. I just sometimes can't think of creative titles. However, I can come up with some kickass recipes, so that makes up for my poor naming skills. I say it, thus it must be true. This is my blog. I make the rules.

Confession: I used to HATE (really fucking HATE) whole wheat pasta. I suddenly love it. Why? Because I'm a fickle chickpea and I do what I want. I frequently try new things that I used to dislike...maybe you should try it sometime; it's called being mature. Or whatever. I don't know. Just do it.

Now, this recipe is so easy, you'd have to be a complete fool to muck it up. And, really, add whatever you want. It'll be good. Maybe. Though, I bet mine is better because I created it.

This is enough for 4-5 large servings. Or, maybe if you are a giant, it's only 2 servings. I don't know you. I can't judge.

Ingredients:

• 1/2 lb whole wheat penne or the pasta of your choosing
• 15oz can of crushed tomatoes (I had a 28oz can, and used just over 1/2 of it)
• 1 1/2 cups cooked chickpeas
• 2 huge handfuls of baby spinach, roughly chopped (next time, I'd use more)
• 8oz cremini mushrooms, stems removed, caps cut into quarters
• 1/2 yellow onion, diced
• 5 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 medium carrot, garted very small (again, I'd use more next time)
• 1 1/2 TB Braggs aminos
• 2-3 TB nutritional yeast
• lots of black pepper
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/2 tsp oregano
• 1/2 tsp basil
• 1/2 tsp coriander
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp onion powder
• a shake or two of thyme
• 1/8 tsp rosemary
• 1 TB olive oil
• 2 TB vegetable broth
• 1 TB sugar

Method:

1. In a large skillet, heat oil over medium heat. Then add the onions and the spices (except the sugar). Stir around a bit. After about 5 minutes, add the garlic. You'll really smell it in about 2 minutes. Now, add in the broth and the mushrooms, carrot and chickpeas. You know the drill; stir well.
2. After the mushrooms are cooked, which will be about 5-6 minutes, add the crushed tomatoes and the Braggs.Stir it up really well. Then leave uncovered to let the liquids cook down (reduce) some. This'll take about 15 minutes on medium heat. Stir every few minutes to make sure nothing is sticking to the bottom of your skillet. Meanwhile, get step 3 started.
3. About 5 minutes into step 2, you'll want to put your pasta on to boil in salted water. Think ocean water. Cook according to the package. My penne took about 12-13 minutes. Drain and set aside.
4. Gently fold the spinach into the sauce. It will take a few minutes to wilt down. Add the sugar and mix it in. Take a little taste and adjust your seasonings. I added more pepper and red pepper.
5. Toss in the pasta.

 I only added this photo because I love the reflected placemat on the bowl. I'm that awesome.

Shepherd's Pie or Something Like It

I should let you know up front that I have never, nor will I ever eat a "true" shepherd's pie, so this recipe is what I'd like to imagine they are really like...you know, vegan and cruelty-free and junk. And healthy. Okay, okay. You got me. I like to splurge in my mashed potatoes. I love me some Earth Balance in my taters (I blame my mama because she always made buttery mash). Otherwise, this is some healthy shit. And tasty as hell. During this session of honesty, I will tell you that I actually meant to add some lima beans and peas to the stew-filling stuff, but I completely forgot. Maybe next time.

I basically made a smaller and altered version of my recipe for winter stew and topped it with mashed potatoes. Sounds easy, no? It doesnt? Well, forget you. It is easy.

This recipe makes enough to serve 3-4 as a main dish. I cooked mine in two 7-inch Le Creuset baking dishes I got on clearance at TJ Maxx because I am frugal. Or cheap. Or whatever. They were perfect for what I needed them for and they are bright green, which is my favorite color. You can cook them in whatever you want, so long as it's oven-safe.

Ingredients:

• 2 cups already cooked mashed potatoes (I added a handful of Daiya cheddar to mine-YUM)
• 1- 8oz can plain tomato sauce
• 1 carrot, peeled and thinly sliced
• 2 medium idaho potatoes, peeled and diced to 1/4 inch bits
• 1/4 large white onion, diced
• 3/4 cup vegetable broth
• 1/2 cup dried lentils
• 3-4 TB tvp granules
• 1 1/2 TB minced garlic
• 4oz button mushrooms, sliced thickly
• 1 TB olive oil
• 1/2 tsp oregano
• 1/2 tsp basil
• 1/2 tsp coriander
• 1/8 tsp thyme
• 1/4 tsp sage
• 1/8 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/2 tsp garlic salt
• 1 1/2 TB Braggs liquid aminos
• lots of fresh cracked black pepper

Method:

1. Pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees F.
2. Add oil to a soup pot over a medium heat. Once hot, add your spices and onions. Stir well and cook until onions are softened, 5 minutes. Then add the garlic. Stir and cook 2 minutes. 
3. Turn your heat down a smidge to just under medium heat. Add all of the other ingredients except the mashed potatoes. Stir very, very well. Put the lid on your pot and cook, stirring every 5 minutes for approximately 30 minutes. If for some reason, yours gets too dry, add a bit more broth and stir. 
4. Your stew-type filling should be done by now. You'll need to test by checking the doneness of the potatoes. I like my lentils with some texture, but if you like them mushier, cook it longer with more broth. You should be tasting this anyway to make sure you like the spices and such.

5. Pour your filling into 1 large or multiple smaller baking dishes. Cover with the mashed potatoes. You can try to be artsy, like my lovely pattern that I have been told looks like intestines, or you could just smear the potatoes over the filling. Whatever floats your boat, dooood. 

6. Bake for 30 minutes on the middle rack. Then, I turned on the broiler for 3 minutes. Why? It just seemed like the right thing to do. Get off my lawn. Be prepared to burn your tongue at least once. It smells so good, that you will quite literally be unable to wait for it to cool before tucking in. I ate mine with a bit of garlic bread. Mega yum. And incredibly filling. 

Baked Fries That Don't Suck!

If I were a zombie, my primary food moan would be, "Chicckkkpppeeeeaaaaassssss," obviously. But a little further down my food moan list would be, "Frrriiieeeesssssssssss." I love french fries, but I am scared to death of deep frying anything. I fear I will either burn my house down or melt my flesh, so I have tried repeatedly to make baked fries. If you have tried, you may have noticed that they tend to be soggy-ish. But, I have discovered a top secret tip for making fresh fries without them having a case of the suck. Chill, beeches. I will get to it soon enough. In the mean time, I will bore you with minutia so you are forced to stay here longer. HAHAHAH.  It's all part of my evil scheme. For what? I have no fucking clue. It isn't like I get paid for doing this blog. 

So, maybe you're thinking to yourself that you could just go to a coney island or some such local grease pit and get some good fries. Yeah, I guess you could. But, then, what would be the purpose of looking up baked fries on the internet? Huh? Yeah....I thought so. Plus, you couldn't brag to your pals that you made some kickass fries in your oven instead of at some grease pit where the line cooks spit in your food and tinkle in the soup. Or whatever. Ew, man. Just make them yourself.

I don't have some fancy fry cutter, but you may. In which case, by all means, use it. I just used a really sharp chef's knife to cut my potatoes into fry size strips. You could wedge them, though I'd recommend rather slim wedges. But, again, whatever. It's your ass on the line if they don't turn out. I tried to tell you what to do. SO, anyway, the potatoes are cut. One to the recipe. I made mine garlicky, of course, but you could really add in any spice you want. Be creative. Or not. I don't care.

This makes enough for 3-4 sides.

Ingredients:

• 3 Idaho potatoes, peeled and cut into fries (or wedges if you insist)
• 2 TB olive oil or canola oil
• 4 cloves garlic roughly diced, not quite a mince...slightly larger
• salt and some pepper
• cooking spray

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Move a rack to the lowest setting in oven.Get a large baking sheet and spray lightly with cooking oil.
2. Put cut potatoes in a large bowl. Cover with extremely HOT water for 10 minutes.
3. While the potatoes are in the water, heat a small skillet over medium heat. Add oil and heat for 2 minutes. Then turn to med-low and add garlic (or any other spices you want). When it starts to yellow and turn brown at the edges, remove pan from heat. I stirred occasionally so the garlic oils mingled with all of the cooking oil. At least that is my theory. 
4. Now, pour out the water. Put the potatoes on paper towel and dry well. I added a layer of paper towel on top and rolled it all around until the potatoes were dry. Go ahead and dry out the bowl you just used. Now add the potatoes back to the bowl. 
5. Pour the oil on the potatoes and toss/stir well to coat. Spread the fries out on the baking sheet in a single layer. Sprinkle with large salt (I used kosher) and some pepper.
6. Put in oven for about 15 minutes. Use a spatula and shake the fries around. Then bake another 10-15 minutes, or until the fries are browned to your liking. I took mine out and they crisped a bit more as they cooled.